Don't: Wear Crocs
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First and foremost, these sorry excuses for footwear will instantly lower your perceived social status about three notches simply because they scream, "I don't care how I look and I certainly don't care if my shoes even work". The worst part about Crocs is that, although they are ugly, they don't even work like real shoes because you either slip out of them constantly or your skin sticks to them like when you press your entire body against a fake leather couch on a hot, Sunday afternoon.
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Do: Wear Boatshoes
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While not wearing socks can turn out to be a serious mistake (you remember that one time), boat shoes allow for the comfort and ease that summer demands without making you look like a beggar or vacuous beach bum. Sure, they can be expensive and with the right outfit, make you look like a trust fund kid, but they allow for a casual, yet refined presentation and they are very comfortable to walk around in. I'm doing it right now! |
Do: Stock up on Fla-Vor-Ice
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Nothing heralds summer like a fresh stockpile of Fla-Vor-Ices in the fridge. Sure, there's always a fight for the last blue and if you like grape you may be ostracized by the entire Fla-vor-ice community, but it's totally worth the popsicle baggage. The only other thing you'll need is a stoop and a couple hours of free time and you ARE summer. |
Don't: Buy Any Other Brand of Popsicle
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If you buy any other brand (except creamsicles and firecrackers, of course) you are just asking for endless trouble. Otter Pops, those double stick ones that stain the area around your mouth and make you look like you're five, these just don't cut it. Why? Because the second you tell your friends or family that you have popsicles they will immediately envision Flav-a-ice and you'll then have to crush their hopes and dreams by handing them an Otter Pop with a seriously unfunny joke on the stick. |
Do: Install a Kiddy Pool on Your Roof
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The Dog Days of summer require constant moisture. But swimming in Philadelphia can be a tricky thing. Pools keep closing and they are usually overcrowded, really expensive or part of some socioeconomic controversy. But kiddy pools are mobile and inexpensive- plus they scream hipster for some reason and you can drink beer in them. |
Don't: Swim in Swan Memorial Fountain
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The debate is still sort of up in the air on this one. Technically, you're not allowed to swim in the fountain and there have been guards posted to prevent people from swimming. That said, there are thousands of people who have (me included) and I'm pretty sure people still do wade in the fountain. But, given that toddlers and brave babies make up the majority of the swimmers, you may just end up looking like a fool. |
Do: Attend Many Roof Top Parties
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Is there anything that beats a rooftop party? The answer is a resounding "no" and I know this because I asked everyone at a rooftop party. Scenic, 360 degree views and the possibility of someone falling make for some very exciting times. |
Don't: Attend Many Basement Shows
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Basement shows are rough to begin with. They're usually crowded and held in asbestos-rife locations with an entire audience who chain smokes. Now add all of this to 90 degree weather and you've got the trappings for heat exhaustion or just a really lousy night that makes you smell bad in the morning. |
Do: Go to the Jersey Shore
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This one is easy. Everyone does it and it's fun. A couple quick tips, though. Be sure to treat the natives with caution- they're still a little sensitive to Jersey Shore related humor, as they should be. |
Don't: Watch the Jersey Shore
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We get it: The show can suck you in. But don't live vicariously through people who live vicariously through their hair or genitalia. Get on out there and see what else the Jersey Shore has to offer besides hair gel anomalies. |
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