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Lenape Indians- Shackamxon Village

The Lenape Indians occupied Philadelphia long before anyone’s great grandfather emigrated from Italy with only one shoe and a pocket full of sesame seeds. Much in the same way South Philly is today, the Lenape were organized into clans that dictated where you could eat your Sunday dinner and what flower shop you could patron for your cousin’s funeral.


William Penn Screws Up our City Grid

I know Philly is much less complicated than other cities like New York (seriously, numbered streets intersecting numbered streets, you're not the nexus of the universe). But William Penn did manage to botch what should have been an easy gig. In implementing one of the first grid systems in America, Penn helped overcrowding and the spread of disease. Nevertheless, little side streets popped up and then some asshole plopped Passyunk where it is just to f*ck with us.


Mummers Parade

The Swedes brought the manly tradition of dressing up like a woman to Philly and somehow it caught on. Boy, would I have loved to witness the first guy who suggested the parade to the city council or whatever. “I mean, do we HAVE to all dress up as womanish clowns?” “Yes, goddamnit! That’s the point. Are trying to tell me these rough and tumble immigrants from Philly aren’t going to love it! You’re crazy!”


The Cheesesteak

Engineered in the early 20th century by Pat and Harr Olivieri, the cheesesteak pretty much defines Philly for everyone who doesn’t live in Philly. Every time some asshole from Vermont comes to town with his fanny pack and brightly colored map he always has to get a cheesesteak. But for everyone from Philly, well, we just take it for granted. It’s only when we go to a city like Madison, WI and we try to order an American with and get Salisbury steak wrapped in a biscuit that we realize the greatness of the Philly cheesesteak.


One Liberty Place

The building that defines our skyline was completed in 1987 and it’s the 16th tallest skyscraper according to Wikipedia. Though, on second thought, that might be wrong because it says here that the building’s spire doubles as an interplanetary death-ray.


Mural Arts Program

Founded in 1984, the Mural Arts Program is the reason why Philadelphia has more murals than free parking spaces. Though its ability to make some dilapidated piece of shit building is a plus, let’s be honest, some of the murals are pure shit. I mean, whose bright idea was it to paint some 12-foot tall guy blowing out a hit of crack right in front of an Elementary School?


Rocky

Same deal with the cheesesteak. Every asshole with a camera runs up the Art Museum steps and takes a picture so he can post it on Facebook and show his friends back in Alberquerque what a stud he is. Try doing the other 150 hours of conditioning Rocky went through, then when you reach the top of the steps you can feel a sense of accomplishment.


The World Series

When the Phillies won the World Series in 2008, it was as if the entire city’s population just got back from a war that lasted 28 years. The streets ran red with Phillies merch and the blood of 19-year old college kids who got hit in the head with a bottle of booze. Good times.


It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

It may not be a defining moment but it sure as hell puts a nice ribbon on our city’s persona for the rest of America. The show has five heinously rude, disgusting, self-centered people who tread the boundaries of stupidity each week to try and achieve some poorly thought-out goal, all while causing serious bodily and emotional harm to anyone who stands in their way. All of this somehow perfectly encapsulates Philly’s persona and that’s why we love it.




about the author
Heyphilly.com Staff
The Heyphilly.com staff possesses insider knowledge of the best bars and restaurants in the city and prides themselves on bringing you the best beer and food specials in town. Think we deserve some lovin' for our no-holds-barred view on the city? How about some thinly-veiled hate mail? Drop us a line here: editorial@aycmedia.com. Either way, we love attention.

 
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