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[Photo courtesy of PhillyHistory.org, a project of the Philadelphia Department of Records.]


It happens every year like clockwork. Right before a snowstorm enters the Philadelphia region, thousands upon thousands of frazzled people begin forging for groceries and supplies as if John Bolaris were one of the Four Horsemen. Curiously enough, I’m pretty sure most of these people are the same ones who constantly tell younger generations that they, “walked 5 miles uphill in the snow to school each day”. Well, if that were the case, why are you buying up all of Acme’s Pop Tarts when the forecast is calling for 4 inches?

I’ve given this perplexing behavior much thought over the years. One possible reason the public hits the panic button at the sight of a single snowflake may have to do with our location. Pennsylvania gets snow pretty much every year (and even something called Thundersnow, which I’ve now been told definitely isn’t a new Dolph Lundgren DVD). But since I’ve been self-aware, I’ve noticed that the annual snowfall varies drastically. Some years we’ll get hit with a few smaller storms, but other years we’ll get dumped on like it’s ’92 (I know you remember that bad boy).

Although the snowfall varies from year to year, we’ve scarcely been hit as hard as our brothers up north. People in Boston and other northern cities seem to deal with massive accumulations of snow the same way I came to accept the existence of Sanjaya’s haircut and my penchant for outdated pop-culture references: They take it in stride. So, why can’t we? We’re tougher than most cities according to, well, us.

Let’s look at some of the facts according to my own experience. For starters, I don’t think I’ve ever actually been snowed in the true sense of the word. Sure, you can’t always drive, but I’ve always been able to open my front door to empty my bedpan and I’ve never needed a Saint Bernard to deliver me whiskey lest I die. Additionally, I’ve always been able to order food and get it delivered. So we’re either making too big a deal out of these storms or Dominoes is using stunt drivers (patent pending)to deliver their quite mediocre pizza. The only truly discouraging aspect of snowfall in our area is that Philadelphia uses its snowplows as a mobile kickback-mobile, seemingly plowing only those streets with large garages and high tax brackets. Yet still, this is no reason to panic and rush to the store to buy one hundred Dignorno pizzas.

So for those of us who actually need to go grocery shopping on a Tuesday night before the ultra-snow-thunder-apocalypse, how about we all chill out a little bit? You’re not going to starve to death during the twelve hours in which you refuse to dig out your car and if you feel hunger pains, just tighten your belt a little bit. But, if you’re really close to death, send me an email and I’ll bring you some food along with a prepared harangue on common sense.


about the author
Chris Lipczynski
A Temple University graduate, Chris Lipczynski's love affair with Philadelphia has afforded him an intimate knowledge of even the darkest recesses of the city. Interesting facts about Chris include: he is an avid redditor, his family hails from the deep south (Philly) and he has never eaten a candy apple.
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