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Septa Stupidity

Man at subway entrance: "Where does this train go to?"

SEPTA worker in booth (without any trace of irony or sarcasm): "To the end of the line."

Train Bros

Train bro 1: "What's Jäger?"
Train bro 2: "I dunno; some Irish thing."

McDonald's Heaven

CCD class teacher: "How do you live like a child who enters the kingdom of God?"

4 year old boy: "By loving people, being happy, and going to McDonald's!"

Meanest Mom Ever

10-year old boy trying to talk his mom into buying him an e-reader for Christmas:

Mom: "Are you sure you want it?"
Boy: "Yes."
Mom:" Really sure? It's the last present you'l get until you're 100."

Poor Service

Pregnant Female Co-Worker: "I sincerely hope giving birth is easier than dealing with your store."

Bum Logic

3 bums sitting on the sidewalk.

Bum to other two: "oh yeah? Who's been eating bananas all day? Who's living the better life?"

Septa Cats

Philly cop, referring to a cat with a chicken bone down on the tracks: “That’s a SEPTA cat. Don’t mess with it. It’ll take your face off.”

Women Smell Like...

Unseen Philosopher: "Why women be smelling all like hamburgers?"

Ultimate Respect

"Yeah I'm gonna get his ashes put into a keychain"

Crayola Ivy League

Penn Undergrad: "Yesterday I had a quiz on colors."

World's Greatest Hot Dog

Crazy man rolling around on the street: "WORLD'S GREATEST HOTDOGS! WORLD'S GREATEST HOTDOGS! WORLD'S GREATEST HOTDOGS!"

Internet Vs. The Web

old man to other old man: "i'm tellin' you man. the internet and the web are two different things. there's the internet, and there's the web. they two different things. there's stuff on the internet, and there's stuff on the web. two different things man."

No, it's Just a Really Big Deck

Bimbo in Bikini: "Is this the boardwalk?"

South Philly Shapeshifter

Drunk guy to a drunk girl: This is South Philly, so don't step into this puddle or you'll grow gills!

A Wise Woman Once Said

A Jersey Looking girl at the Pool: "Drugs ruined my family. My step father secretly robbed my mother blind to feed his addiction. We lost our home, I saw first hand how that drug can ruin your life......that's why I only only do drugs on the weekends, so I don't get addicted"

Illuminatti

Blinged out dude to equally blinged out friends: "Chakka Fattah is in Jay Z's secret society, don't you know man?"


about the author
Heyphilly.com Staff
The Heyphilly.com staff possesses insider knowledge of the best bars and restaurants in the city and prides themselves on bringing you the best beer and food specials in town. Think we deserve some lovin' for our no-holds-barred view on the city? How about some thinly-veiled hate mail? Drop us a line here: editorial@aycmedia.com. Either way, we love attention.
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