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No, you're not on acid, that's the Mummer's parade.

Anyone who hasn’t grown up in Philly will probably be dumbfounded at the annual Mummer Celebration. For a city that has a reputation as a being loud, mean and generally pretty tough (go, us) Philly’s Mummer’s Parade is sort of like seeing Danny Trejo wearing a tutu.

The Mummer’s Parade is a serious Philadelphia past time that’s no less socially acceptable than wearing a pair of Kensington Cruisers (white Air Forces) to the Birds game. But for those of you who may not be able to handle a 400 lb man dressed as a giant baby yelling at you get out of the street, we’ve put together a short list that will get you prepared for the fancy overload.


1. Don’t Ever Make Fun of Brigade Names

Ok, the Fancy Brigade and the Satin Slippers sound about as threatening as an angry baby. That said, don’t ever mock or slight the brigades. You never know when a thousand hard-ass Liberaces may be standing right behind you ready to use their rainbow umbrellas to blugeon you. Also, be aware- these are the same dudes who almost beat your ass outside the Eagles game earlier this year.




2. If You’re Not in the Parade, Stay Out of the Parade

I think almost everyone has made the mistake of meandering into the parade, at least the one on 2nd Street. But make an attempt to keep on the sidewalk. Though they may not look like it, Mummer’s can and will deck you to the curb if you’re in their way. I found this out the hard way.


3. Don’t Try and Sneak into the Club Houses on 2nd Street.

Sure free (or ungodly cheap) beer and food sound like they’re worth the risk but, trust us, this time they are not. You either got to know be a mummer, be with a mummer, or have some serious sway to get into one of the clubhouses. So don't try to sneak it through the back, or claim your Dad was the original mummer.


4. For the Love of Everything Holy, Leave Your Vuvzela at Home

Given that everyone and their mother has a vuvuzela now, the Mummer’s parade will most likely turn into one loud and giant hum akin to the release of the Kraken. Do everyone a favor and pick up some party poppers and crank jawns and, if you must, use the vuvuzela as a impromptu beer bong.


5. Know how to Strut

Though it varies depending on your age and location, the strut is what the Mummer's Parade if all about, so make sure you got yours down before you head out. It's not really hard, and I find it to be the perfect balance between slam dancing and The Dougie. 


about the author
Heyphilly.com Staff
The Heyphilly.com staff possesses insider knowledge of the best bars and restaurants in the city and prides themselves on bringing you the best beer and food specials in town. Think we deserve some lovin' for our no-holds-barred view on the city? How about some thinly-veiled hate mail? Drop us a line here: editorial@aycmedia.com. Either way, we love attention.
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