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10. The girl who just "checked in"
This doesn’t bother us in moderation, but there are people who are determined to be Mayor of Sunoco on Fairmount Avenue and that is not okay. At least not publicly.
9. The guy who poses questions that he could have Googled
If you have internet (which I am assuming you do, since you are currently logged in to Facebook) you can easily Google the answers to all of your burning questions. Facebook is not a well-edited group of technical experts, nor is it a message board.
8. The high school friend who "likes" everything you post
This is the type of person who likes everything. They like everything you post, whether it is interesting or not. They also like every band they've ever heard; in fact, they already added Flying Lotus to their "faves" even though you just told them who he was five minutes ago. These people don’t like things in real life even close to as much as they like things on Facebook.
7. The [Insert terrible band here] fan who is actively using Spotify
I don’t really blame the people who use Spotify, per se, I think it is more of a news feed issue. I don’t want to hear about what people are listening to on Spotify, let alone every single song you've played from Mumford and Sons or some equally terrible band. This is irritating to the nth degree, almost as irritating as when people say that things are irritating ”to the nth degree.”
6. The pop culture commentator who thinks he's on Twitter
On Facebook, a hashtag is decidedly ineffective. No one knows what #this means, because if they did--they'd be off somewhere using Twitter. Also, Twitter moves much more quickly--so you can live Tweet Con Air scene by scene and no one will feel any differently. On Facebook, that's grounds for de-friending. #justsaying
5. The “public but somewhat cryptic display of hatred towards someone of unknown identity” girl
Some people think that their personal problems with someone else should be made public, but still kept just private enough that you are supposed to inquire about their situation. These are usually followed up by hundreds of comments, most people saying “wut happened hunny?!?!” with the few people that are “in the know” saying things like “u r better then him dun let this b ring u down u r strong!" Thanks for keeping everyone in the loop on that---really.
4. The girl who thinks status updates are like AIM profiles circa 2001
Remember when you'd format your profile LiKe tHiS and send thinly veiled messages to some kid in your geometry class? Or how about when you'd try to seem obscure and poetic by posting some line from The Used that made you seem semi-suicidal? Yeah, people still do that.
3. Anyone who posts pictures that are not actually of them and/or a fake names
This is just dumb. Who are you hiding from? Are you in the CIA? No you
are a cashier at Office Max, Katie-Ann. There's something called "privacy preferences" - use them, then you can use your real name and I can avoid the whole "wait, who is this...?" thing that results everytime I see you show up on my news feed. Related: get over
yourself.
2. The “posting music videos from the last 40 years that everyone has
already seen a million times” kid
Yes, we know that Led Zeppelin’s “Heartbreaker” is good and we don’t
care that the music video for “Over My Head (Cable Car)” by The Fray
really speaks to your current situation in life. Some of us wish that an anvil was “over your head”
and that the rope would be cut. Like in Looney Toons.
1. People who are REALLY in love
No one cares that you started dating whoever "ZTG" on 7.1.11 (which also happens to be the best day of your ENTIRE life). Not only that, but we're also largely unimpressed by your exciting tales of Friday nights spent with a RomCom, a chicken cordon bleu (Rachel Ray's recipe, woot!) and a bottle of shitty Pinot Noir. That sounds terrible; please stop.
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